SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
