I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
