I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
