Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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