don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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