if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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