youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
