You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
