booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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