Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
