drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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