that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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