i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
