I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
