I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
