...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
