I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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