peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
