The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
