I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
