Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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