So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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