Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
