I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Holy sore nipples Batman
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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