Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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