I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
