I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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