Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
