My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
