I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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