I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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