HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
