Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
