We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
