She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
