Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
