I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
