I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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