you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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