im having a threesome with these popsicles
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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