yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
