I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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