Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
