I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
