New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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