so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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