ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
