I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then my night got REAL pukey
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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