that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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