TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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