My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
