Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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