So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
