Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
