I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
