He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
