im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
