24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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