I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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