my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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