she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
