Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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