I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
