Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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