I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
