better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
