chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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