mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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