She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she told me i tasted like america
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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