Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
