it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
