We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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