He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
be right there i have to get my cape
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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